TRYING TO HOLD ON TO A MARRIAGE
By Bob Marrow
I was losing my wife and I didn’t know why.
We had been married for five years. Our wedding was an intimate ceremony in the office of a former law partner of mine who had become a judge. His office was a large, comfortable room on the ground floor of an upper east side brownstone. There were no burning logs in the fireplace because it was July, but the mantlepiece added a touch of solemnity. Two of my closest friends were witnesses. Everyone smiled when she said, “I do,” too soon, before the “Do you take” question was finished.
We had started dating a few months before getting married. The short time between our first date and our wedding did not frighten us. We were in love, and, I thought, we needed each other. We both were recovering from emotional losses.
She was the most elegant woman I had ever met. She was raised in Grosse Pointe, Michigan and had two degrees from the University of Michigan including a Ph.D. in history. She was tall, naturally blonde and athletic, running 5 to 10 miles several mornings each week. Prior to the wedding we had vacationed in the Bahamas where our respect for each other melded with mature passion.
Now, five years later, she had become distant and her behavior disquieting. I felt that I had lost not only her love, but also her respect. The lack of communication was compounded by her disturbing behavior — whispered telephone conversations in another room, unexplained absences.
I tried to think of a way to regain her admiration and respect. I inventoried the behavioral traits she seemed to dislike and tried to change them. Chief among them was the way I ate. So, when we went to lunch I tried to modify my table manners. Rather than shovel food into my mouth and lift another forkfull before swallowing, I ordered a salad and carefully cut it into small pieces. Then I carefully took tiny pieces on my fork and slowly raised them to my mouth. I chewed each bite silently without parting my lips.That didn’t help, of course.
A few days later I insisted on knowing what was wrong. Then she admitted that she was in love with another man and wanted a divorce. She said that I didn’t know her lover, but that turned out to be untrue. After we were divorced, and subterfuge was unnecessary, I learned that he was a mutual friend.
When she told me of her affair I was immediately in distress. My throat clamped shut and I couldn’t swallow. I went to the emergency room at a local hospital. They determined that I was not physically ill and I was released with a prescription to care for my throat.
I immediately began drafting divorce papers with the help of a matrimonial specialist in my office. The divorce was finalized in a month; record time. It included a separation agreement that became part of the divorce decree. She was accommodating, perhaps from guilt, taking less in the settlement I offered.
Then my life almost immediately began an incredible upturn. One of her girlfriends and former classmates at Michigan contacted me and asked for a date. Our motives may have differed, but our physical attraction to each other, while lasting only a few weeks, was intense.
Soon thereafter, at a tennis party, I met my present wife. She was sitting by a window watching the matches as I was passing to leave. I had never seen anyone as dazzling. I could have kept walking but she was sitting alone which made it easy to take the risk of rejection. Who else would know? But I wasn’t rejected and from that day in February, 1993 to this, we have been together as faithful partners.
Shortly before meeting her, I was asked by a client, a pharmaceutical manufacturer whose stock was traded on the American Stock Exchange, to become their General Counsel.
And I won the office Super Bowl pool.
From one of the lowest points in my life I was catapulted to inconceivable heights.
You never know….
